turning into a nervous wreck
I wish I could turn it off, but I am increasingly feeling more and more uneasy with this whole internship that Hub has.
I can't even explain it. It's just this uneasy, nervous feeling every time we talk about it. It's like I'm having some kind of premonition or something. Like at the end of all this, he may have a degree and a career, but we may not have a family anymore. It's all very vague, but I just can't shake it.
He's got to go away again tomorrow. He'll be in York for the day and said he'd probably be home roughly around the same time as Friday night. Which means I won't see him hardly at all. By the time he comes home and I make him dinner, it'll probably be about 9:30 p.m. And since I'm the one that has to get up at 7 a.m., I won't be able to stay up very late to spend any time with him.
I was really hoping to get some time with him before he starts classes, because I realize that once he does start, his time with me and the children is going to be very limited. Between actually going to the classes and doing his studying at home, it's almost going to be like he doesn't even live here anymore. And don't get me wrong - I understand how important this is. But I just don't want him to forget that he has a wife and children who love and need him.
The problem is, I feel I should tell him these things but I just don't know how. At least, I don't know how to tell him without making it sound like I'm trying to tell him to quit. Because that's not what I want. I just want to feel comfortable with this. I don't want to have panic attacks every time he walks out that door. That's the worst part. It's not even just the time he's going to be spending away from me and the children, it's the panic attacks. I've had them literally almost every day this week. And that's NOT including the hell we went through last weekend. I think yesterday was the only day I didn't have one, and even that was a close call. If I hadn't been able to get in touch with him yesterday, I probably would have had one!
I just can't shut off these feelings and, since this is a totally new experience for me, I don't know how to handle them.
Where's Dear Abby when you need her? lol
I can't even explain it. It's just this uneasy, nervous feeling every time we talk about it. It's like I'm having some kind of premonition or something. Like at the end of all this, he may have a degree and a career, but we may not have a family anymore. It's all very vague, but I just can't shake it.
He's got to go away again tomorrow. He'll be in York for the day and said he'd probably be home roughly around the same time as Friday night. Which means I won't see him hardly at all. By the time he comes home and I make him dinner, it'll probably be about 9:30 p.m. And since I'm the one that has to get up at 7 a.m., I won't be able to stay up very late to spend any time with him.
I was really hoping to get some time with him before he starts classes, because I realize that once he does start, his time with me and the children is going to be very limited. Between actually going to the classes and doing his studying at home, it's almost going to be like he doesn't even live here anymore. And don't get me wrong - I understand how important this is. But I just don't want him to forget that he has a wife and children who love and need him.
The problem is, I feel I should tell him these things but I just don't know how. At least, I don't know how to tell him without making it sound like I'm trying to tell him to quit. Because that's not what I want. I just want to feel comfortable with this. I don't want to have panic attacks every time he walks out that door. That's the worst part. It's not even just the time he's going to be spending away from me and the children, it's the panic attacks. I've had them literally almost every day this week. And that's NOT including the hell we went through last weekend. I think yesterday was the only day I didn't have one, and even that was a close call. If I hadn't been able to get in touch with him yesterday, I probably would have had one!
I just can't shut off these feelings and, since this is a totally new experience for me, I don't know how to handle them.
Where's Dear Abby when you need her? lol
posted by nukkingphutz at 2:40 pm
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